Monday, May 4, 2009

Killer Shark Caught and Killed!

The townspeople of Amity can rest assured and enjoy the holiday weekend now that the shark suspected of killing Wendy Watson and Alex Kitner has been caught and killed.

The fishermen responsible for killing the shark will recieve the $3000 reward from Marian Kitner, the mother of late Alex Kitner who was killed by the shark July 3.

Police Chief Martin Brody was so confident that there are no other sharks in the region, he immediately announced the reopening of the beach.

"The chance that there are any more sharks is so remote that it would be an insult to my intelligence," said Brody.

The shark responsible for the recent attacks was inspected by marine biologist Matt Hooper from the Oceanographic Institute in Woods Hole, MA who identified it as a nurse shark, one of the most dangerous species of sharks.

If that doesn't convince the locals and tourists that the beach is safe, the prescense of shark spotters from the Coast Guard, Maring Patrol, the Massachusetts State Police, the U.S. Navy, Homeland Security, the FBI, and several other local police forces should do the job.

These forces can be seen buzzing around the enormous crowds of people that have already gathered. A hoax of two boys with a cardboard dorsal fin just proved the effective results this extra security yeilds.

After this dorsal fin was spotted, it took no more than five minutes for people to start exiting the water in mass. Lifeguards immediately started blowing their wistles and using microphones to get people out as fast as possible. The shark spotters in the water quickly cornered the two boys and radioed the ok to Cheif Brody who was on the beach trying to calm the panicked crowd of beachgoers.

While this hoax did cause a mass choas as everyone tried to exit the water, it also showed the effectiveness of the personnel on hand to get everyone to safety as quickly as possible.

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